


Eren Makes Awful Snake Puns

by aeitric



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, basically just lots of gayness, eren is a snake charmer, levi... is not a snake charmer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-03 19:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4112424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeitric/pseuds/aeitric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi wants a snake. Eren is a snake charmer. That's... basically it. Warning: Awful snake puns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will probably be updated daily, or at least that's what I'm hoping for.
> 
> Sorry it's so short, this is my first fanfic and it might take a while to get the gears moving.

"Hanji, I am not buying a snake. They are dirty creatures who eat rodents and I am not interested in caring after an over sized inchworm who deems it appropriate to digest baby piglets." Levi huffed, gripping the phone tighter in his pale hand and observing his neatly-trimmed nails on the other, pulling up a chair next to his computer and tapping the keys. He rolled his eyes as a loud, exaggerated sigh sounded in his ear. "They aren't that bad, Levi. They don't take up too much space, they're not easily disturbed and they're very beautiful." Hanji exclaimed. Levi rolled his eyes. "Those worms aren't coming anywhere near my house. They may not take up space but they take up time, or at least that's what the website... says..." Levi trailed off, realizing his mistake. "Website?! You're on a website?! About snakes?! So... you are considering them?!" Hanji's voice in pitch, the screech making Levi cringe. "See you on Monday, four-eyes." He clicked 'Hang Up' and turned back to the screen, skimming it's contents briefly. Owning a pet recently had sounded appealing to Levi, but he was thinking a cat, or mabye a dog... but a snake? Levi knew nothing about them, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to. But as he read more about a snake called a "Mexican Hognose", he began to think. Owning one of the "disgusting land eels" - as Levi called them - didn't sound half bad. In fact, he noted, he was running to the grocery store today. He could read more about the habitat needed for the Baird's Rat Snake (the snake Levi had decided on. It was a beginner snake, and he very much was a beginner. He'd never even touched a snake before, let alone owned one.) and pick it up, along with it's (disgusting pig baby) food. He glanced at the time - 1 P.M - and nodded to himself. Might as well make use of the day off Erwin had graced him with, not to mention that having something other then Levi living in the spotless apartment could be a nice change. He stood up, picking up his coat and throwing it over his shoulders in the process. God, he'd better not regret this later on, he thought to himself as he slid into the driver's seat of his Nissan, jamming his key into the ignition.

 

The pet store was mess. When was the last time someone had taken a dustpan to the shelves? And Jesus, would somebody please shut up the yappy French Bulldog? He had nothing against dogs, but with his growing headache, he would not have an issue punting this one to the moon. Levi had made a decision - he would get the tank, the light, the food, and all other snake related necessitates in this place (but only using it after extreme measures of cleansing) and meet somebody that reached his standards to pick up the snake, most likely a recommended snake breeder (he'd ask Hanji later, he knew she would have something on the subject) to pick up the snake himself. It wasn't exactly the original plan, but it was better than getting the thing here where he was sure the land eel would have some sort of illness from breathing the dust in the cramped store. He bought what he needed and exited as fast as his short legs could manage.

 

Of course, after teasing Levi for giving into her idea, Hanji gave him a number for her snake dealer who she got her Green Mamba (apparently a level 5 snake - whatever that meant.) from. Levi wrote down the number, and said thank you to Hanji, but she stopped him before he could hang up. "Levi, Eren isn't a snake breeder if that is what you were thinking. He's a snake charmer." Levi paused, and opened his mouth - but the dial tone followed the woman's words, cutting off Levi's words and trail of thought. A snake charmer? He knew nothing about snakes, but even less so about snake charmers. He searched the number on Google - and there it was. In bold letters, "Eren Jaeger (Snake Charmer)." His website was colorful and a tiny snake followed the cursor. A nice touch, Levi thought, drumming his fingers against his black computer desk. It wasn't until Levi looked at the boy was he really shocked. He had a puppy face, soft looking light brown hair framing it, smoothing out sharp cheekbones and a pointed nose. A small mouth with puffed out cheeks lessened the intensity of his furrowed eyebrows, and... a snake. Levi peered at the small text below the photo - "A Garter snake that was chilling under my hose :D" - and laughed at little, marveling at the boy's ability to stay calm even with the (fairly little) snake wrapped around his hand. Although, what drew Levi to look at the boy were his eyes. Large pools of Caribbean sea mixed with an astounding green, long eyelashes like tiny wings.

 

Levi looked at the paper, took out his phone. Punched in the number, and held his breath.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is a secret scaredy cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote another chapter today because I'm weeaboo trash. It's short but I just wanted to fit this in today, I did it now so I can get into actually writing Ereri tomorrow. Whoops.

It was... surprisingly clean. Orange walls, covered in what looked to be children's drawings of coiled and slithing snakes scatted across the walls. Levi was glad Hanji had chosen this place for him to get his new friend (Not friend. Snake. He did not just call the scaled inchworm a friend), although not very surprised, with Hanji knowing very well the level of filth he could handle. She had learned last year when she had accidently spilled red wine on Levi's freshly vaccumed carpet. (Two words: not fun.) He sat in a red cushioned chair in the small "waiting room", as a sign said, where a girl with short, jet balck hair glared at him with large but slitted eyes. He was tempted to glare back and show her who was boss, but reminded himself that she probably worked with snakes on a daily basis and could stare down a Boa Constrictior (another snake Levi had looked at. Beautiful creatures), so he decided to ignore her and opted to brush invisible dust off him pants until a short boy - although not as short as him, damn it - motioned for him to follow him through a brightly lit hallway, and Levi did. As they walked wordlessly, the heels of Levi's shoes clacking against the hard floor, he stared at the walls of paper. (Jesus, when would the drawings stop? They were staring into his soul.) The boy - Armin, his nametag read - stopped suddenly, and pulled a key out of the back pocket of his dark jeans (or were they dark? It was really dark. Install some light bulbs, people, they're pretty cheap) and opened the door infront of him. Levi didn't actually see this part, and it wasn't because of the bad lighting. Levi was just really, really short. He stepped to the side and let Levi in, closing the door behind him. Confused, he turned around to ask the boy a question, but he was gone - must have shut the door behind him. Levi jumped as he heard a light, smooth voice echo in the small room. (It really was a small room. Warm, dark, it wasn't very much to work in. Eren should get more credit.)

 

"Hello." The voice said, and he turned around, eyes searching for the source of the voice but, Jesus, was it dark and he couldn't find a single thing in the place. Was he going to get mugged? Was that girl at the waiting roomdesk a mafia boss? He tried to think of the defense training he had taken two years ago for work after the place was robbed (Erwin took the guy down though, breaking his left arm, and rumors were, punching him and breaking his nose. Levi wouldn't exactly put that one past him.) "Hello? I'm here for a..." Levi paused, peering down at the writing on his hand. "Baird's Rat Snake? We talked on Friday."

 

"Oh, Levi!" The voice exclaimed, and Levi fought back yelping when the lights flicked on suddenly, and instead hissed. But apperantly, he wasn't the only one. On his foot, was a snake, peering right up at Levi.

 

He screamed.


	3. Levi is a baby and Eren thinks it's funny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is entranced yet afraid of Eren. Eren thinks Levi is neat-o.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploading daily? Pssh, easy. (Help.)

Levi was full on sweating. In Eren's hand was the Garter snake that was on the website, scaly and hissy and gross. It was wrapped around Eren's arm, a forked tongue poking out, directed at Levi who was absolutely scared shitless. Eren was just preoccupied trying to hold in his giggles as Levi watched the snake warily. Luckily (for Levi), Eren put the snake into the box next to him and slid it in the drawer of the cabinet besides him. The room, although cramped, wasn't too awful, and Levi was impressed by Eren's cleaning skills, even getting around the snake knick-knacks that were strewn across Eren's desk and the cabinet. Levi was lost in thought, until Eren brought a hand to his face and coughed loudly, smiling broadly when Levi looked at him with hesitance, still afraid of the tiny Garter snake that had happened to find Levi's foot in the dark room (Eren told Levi that it was dark so the snake could sleep and then he would release him, Levi responding with something along the lines of, "You didn't have to release him on my foot."). "So," Levi started, "The land eel I came in for.." Levi trailed off when Eren's smile wavered."Uh, Mr. Ackerman, sir... the snake you were looking for, I was only able to get it from the breeder if they were eggs, Baird's Rat Snake isn't usually breeded in Fall, so I managed to get lucky and pick up a few eggs, but you're welcome to visit anytime to check up on them before they hatch." Eren said nervously, searching Levi's face with bright teal eyes, looking for some sort of reaction to the new information. Levi just nodded (In all honesty, Levi hardly heard a word of what Eren said. He was too busy wondering how nice Eren's hair would be if he petted it. Would it be like a dog's fur, rough and soft, or a cat's, smooth and silky? This would haunt Levi in his sleep.) "In the mean time, why don't I help you get over your fear of snakes? Because you'll be owning one and all. Just a suggestion," Stated Eren with a playful tone. Again, Levi was staring at Eren's mouth move (He couldn't help it. It didn't show well in the website's photo, but Eren's lips were _pink_. It was adorable.) and nodded again, agreeing with whatever Eren said (bad move).

 

Levi screamed for the second time that day as Eren dropped a snake into Levi's lap.

\

"It wasn't that bad, Mr. Ackerman. That was one of the smaller snakes," Eren said, huffing. "Call me Levi. And that thing was not small. It was like... the Godzilla of snakes. If Godzilla was a little bit smaller." Levi retorted, bitterly eyeing the lizard without legs now coiled up in Eren's lap, his head held delicately by Eren's thumb, the rest wrapped around the neck (mabye the neck? Levi hadn't paid attention in Biology when they learned snake anatomy. Whoops.). Lucky cold blooded freak of nature. Because operation one (get a snake from the cute boy with big eyes) had failed, he decided to set a new goal over the next 9 weeks. (Eren told him that's how long Baird's Rat Snake took to hatch) Operation two, get a date with cute boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I know it isn't great but I'm giving it my all. xD (P.S, hope you're having a good Summer.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi babbles. Armin sneezes. Mikasa (finally) stops glaring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are way too nice. Thank you all for the positive support ;-;

For the past 4 weeks, after work, Levi would watch the egg with Eren and try to court the boy with flirtatious glances (honestly, they were probably more like glares than anything. He was new to this kind of stuff.) Eren had taught him to hold the snake's head so it couldn't open it's mouth and bare it's fangs at Levi (not that Levi was scared of them or anything. No way.) and Levi was slightly calmer about the tiny egg that sat under a heat lamp in Eren's drawer. It was a Monday of the fifth week after a stressful day with Erwin pestering him to hand in a presentation that Levi wasn't even quite sure he even did.

 

The girl in the waiting room (Levi found out her name was Mikasa) had stopped glaring at him, but, instead opted to chit-chatting with Levi when he went to go see Eren (Whoops, the egg). It wasn't horrible, and she wasn't exactly as Levi imagined her, stone cold and heartless. Apparently, she was a boxer (surprise, surprise) who ranked very high and had a girlfriend named Annie who, as Levi guessed, was a boxer too from the way Mikasa talked about her. Levi told her he was excited to meet Annie and waved to Armin (who was dusting the shelves and sneezing furiously. It was adorable. He didn't talk much, but Levi had seen a taller boy with two toned hair walk in a few days ago and put his arm around Armin, so Levi assumed they were dating. The taller boy's face looked like a horse. This was hilarious to Levi.)

 

Eren smiled as Levi walked into his "office" (Armin didn't walk him anymore, he wasn't sure why) and put the book he was reading, _1,001 Snake Puns,_ down and leaned back in his chair. "How can I help you today, Levi?" (Gee, I know, take your pants off.) "How is the egg doing?" Levi asked, shaking away the inner narration. He agreed with it, but had been trying to dial the bluntness down a bit. "It actually moved yesterday while I was watching it, only a few more weeks before you can take him or her home!" Eren exclaimed, grin widening. "That's... great, Eren." Levi said, feeling a little dejected. He liked talking to the brunette a lot, and visiting the land eel and him after work relieved much of his stress and would be upset to leave with mustering up the courage to even ask Eren out. (That's it, Levi! Ask him for coffee. Really fast. Just get it out of your system. If he says yes, great, if he says no, it will only be a few more weeks. Just do it.) "Eren, your sign on the front window is funny. Our low prices will go down in hi-ssssss-tory'. Let's go get coffee Friday. I'm going to name the snake Matilda because that was my favorite movie growing up." Jesus Christ, Levi. What the actual Hell. It wasn't entirely his fault, he had never done this whole romancing thing before, but really? The only thing thing his brain told him to do was to blab, and blab he did. Eren probably hated him. Matilda? Where did that even come from? It was true, but that wasn't the poin-

 

"Yeah, I'll get coffee with you on Friday. Is Maria Cafe okay? They have great tea."

 

This boy was going to kill Levi, he just knew it.


	5. Levi gets a snake and a date (not in that order)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is clumsy and Eren sings to snakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 50 Kudos??? Guys, I don't know why you like the story so much. I don't even like the story that much. Thank you guys :D

So far, the (quote, quote) date way going well. Sure, while walking back to the table Eren was sitting at Levi may have tripped and spilled a little coffee and almost dropped the muffin in his hand, but overall Eren was just as sweet as normal and Levi hardly had to talk with Eren's babbling about Mikasa's stats (apparently, she creamed a higher rank on Wednesday and earned a bunch of money.) and the snake Levi was getting today. Matilda (Yeah, Levi was going through with the name. Hey, don't hate, he loved that movie.), according to Eren was doing well and eating just right. Levi could listen to Eren talk for years. When they stood up and grabbed their coats (while Eren bought a hot chocolate, because the ones at Maria Cafe were legendary.), Levi couldn't help but notice the height difference between the two. While Levi sat at a small measure of 5'1, Eren looked like he was around 5'6... 5'7. Speaking of the giant, he looked down at Levi pouting up at him and frowned. "What's up?" "You." Eren chuckled and handed Levi the small cup of hot chocolate (but not before drawing a snake coiled up, forked tongue sticking out first) and Levi wrapped his hands around it, fingers stretching over to hold the warm plastic. Now that it was getting colder, Levi's tiny and delicate frame was often chilled to the bone, and he had recently lost one of his favorite fluffy light blue jackets (light blue is Levi's favorite color. Don't tell anyone.), forcing him to use a tight black one that pressed against his waist and hip bones. He pretended not to notice when, obviously, Eren noticed. Luckily, the snake place (oh yeah. The name of the store was "Snake Palace." Somehow, Levi always forgot the name so he wrote it down on his arm to remember it.) was on the same street as Maria Cafe and they walked there, and along the way, Levi had shifted closer to the human furnace that was Eren (maybe the office of his was so warm because _he_ heated the room, not an actual furnace. Things to consider.) and Eren cautiously threw an arm around Levi's shoulder. It was awkward but accepted and he buried the top half of his jet balk undercut in the poofy material of Eren's coat. (Haha, Eren is a nerd.) When Mikasa saw them enter, she was wiping down the front desk. Her usually stoic (or squinty) widened slightly, but she said nothing.

 

Eren pulled Matilda out, and Levi let a smile break through, watching Eren let the snake wrap around his neck and shoulders, but his jaw dropped when he heard Eren... singing? To the snake? What? Why would you sing to a snake. This was confusing to Levi. Does the snake find comfort in song? Eren was a snake charmer, so mabye that was how he charmed them? Well, if it didn't charm snakes, that would be a shock because there was no doubt it charmed Levi. It sounded like a lullaby, Eren rocked the snake's head right and left, peering into it's eyes, signing softly. Levi wished the A/C would shut off (for once), the quiet whirring covering up Eren's words. He was lost in his own world.

 

(The other was singing to a snake. Haha, nerd.)


End file.
